My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
