Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
