Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize