We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
