Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
