Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Panties = found
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
