I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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