You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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