your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
