did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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