he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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