True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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