So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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