Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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