The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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