I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
where are my eyebrows?
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