I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
