Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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