I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
