Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Text me some of your sweat
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
