I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
