I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize