Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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