I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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