her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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