Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
