okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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