Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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