After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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