can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
