He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
