saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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