I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
