Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was CRYING into my vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
