So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
