I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
