No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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