Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
