He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
