Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
