How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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