Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
