I think I died a long time ago.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
