Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
