Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
