It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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