ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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