Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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