My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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