just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
