Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
