so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't notice because vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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