are you so shy because you have an std?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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