I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
