Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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