Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
