Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
