I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
