is your mom at the bar?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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