I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've blown a few things in my day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
