I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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