Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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