We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
