he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
