I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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