meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Enjoy the penises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
