video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
