Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
