you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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